The first few weeks passed in a blur of scream counting (I’ll explain further down), I’m not really sure in what order things are exactly or if I’ve remembered everything, so I’m sorry if this reads a bit all over the place. I was seen by the doctor who put me on water tablets for the fluid, they also took bloods and I had to be seen by tissue viability. I had a few skin issues but nothing compared to what they expected, I have my lovely daughter to thank for that, they decided that the magic mattress needed to turn me every 30 mins and they needed to physically roll me every 2 hours and then they dropped it to 4 hours so they could clean and reapply cream so my skin didn’t break down, the rolling was horrific the first couple of times I just screamed and cried through it as it was so painful & very distressing I’d rather have had 20 kids at the same time, the best way I could describe the pain was like I was being crushed from the waist down from all sides, you know them films and the good guy gets trapped as the walls are coming in well that’s how it felt though the walls were all round me and I didn’t get out. I realized I needed to stop concentrating on the pain (I had the gas and air still but it didn’t really help) so I started to count although to be more precise I started to scream numbers in order (mostly) it wasn’t the best plan but it helped (kinda). I remember my family & friends who heard me said they also cried hearing it and ended up having to leave the ward till it was over, I really don’t remember how long I did this for but I remember I counted to 125 the first time it happened, there had to be 6 staff members when I was rolled 3 on each side (I now only need two) I tried to bet them against each other to see who could roll me faster and sometimes I skipped a few numbers cos the pain made me forget where I was and the sister used to tell me off for cheating, it’s weird how at the time the pain made it feel horrendous and now I just laughed writing that last bit.

I had to have a catheter fitted, though when I was at home before I had just used tena pads but they felt for the benefit of my skin it would be better, the urology team came down and a very gorgeous doctor spoke to me, I have no clue what he said really as all I could think was wow aren’t you pretty, I was sharp snapped back to reality when four staff members held my legs open while also pulling the fat back and then this big overhead light came on and another two staff pulled my stomach up out the way, its not really how I imagined I’d met the man of my dreams to be honest 😂😍

I saw him again the other day he came to see the lady in the opposite bed and he said hello to me and that I was doing so well, I was to busy drooling and look all dreamy eyed…hope he didn’t notice. The catheter was a nightmare from start to finish, I had it re done 3 times, they kept blocking with sediment as your bladder sheds it’s lining you don’t normally see it when you go to the toilet but it lies in the tubes of the catheter and in my case constantly blocks them which causes intense pain as your bladder fills and can’t drain, also my bladder kept trying to give birth to itself or at least that’s how it felt to me, there was a rolling pain which went down my stomach into my lady bits and then got more intense, I had to grip the bed and squeeze hard till it stopped, luckily it wasn’t a constant thing at first but after having it in for about 3 months I had a really bad day/night with it, it was barely draining as it was blocked again with sediment they tried 3 times too flush it, that’s basically when they push sterile water into the catheter to move the blockage but no matter how hard they tried it wouldn’t budge. I’d had all the pain medication I could, but the giving birth pain came back with a vengeance and this time it didn’t go, they had been giving me various tablets as they believed it was bladder spasms that were causing the pain but sadly they didn’t work and as it was late at night by this time they couldn’t get urology to put a new one in and so the staff nurse removed it but said I may have to have it back in, as she was talking it out a big gush of wee followed and instantly the pain stopped and thankfully I didn’t get it back in. It was weird afterwards for a couple of days because I lost the feeling of needing a wee right until the last second but it’s all fine now.

Things continued on like this for the next few weeks the bloods showed my thyroid medication needed adjusting from 75mg a day to 100mg a day my body doesn’t produce thyroxine which is basically the oil that runs your body and overtime in the extreme if not treated can even cause coma’s, though it’s main symptoms are hair thinning, weight gain (not as extreme as mine), brittle nails, memory confusion and terrible tiredness all of which I had it was such a relief when they found it on a random blood test a few years ago. I was also given folic acid and vitamin d as they were both low, I can’t really remember much else in the first couple of weeks and things sadly got a lot worse before it got better….