It is 11.40pm on what’s left of the 1st December, This is all I wrote on that day, I felt very down and tearful and today which is now 1.30am early hours of the 5th December, I am feeling the same, I have cried a lot these past few days and so on top of that my body has decided that of all the things I needed, It’s a period to throw in mix….great.
I am so frustrated with my legs and have not stood never mind walked for 6 weeks, even just sitting round to get my hair washed is painful to do, once sitting round I can barely lift my foot off the floor and when I try to the pain becomes horrific, it is so annoying I am literally just willing it to move and it won’t and there is nothing I can do, so again I am stuck in my bedroom on my bed, day after day and feeling stir crazy its getting me down so much, I just want to escape just even for a few hours.
I also have had a lot of family issues of late and one of those has resulted in me being hurt by someone I love very very much, again sadly there is nothing I can do about it though I wish with all my heart I could, but sadly we can’t always make someone see what they don’t want to or choose not to.
On top of that and other stuff, I have the beginning of man flu, runny nose, feeling lousy, earache, chesty cough, so no doubt I’ll wake tomorrow with my hair stuck to my face with snot, my chest feeling like I’ve smoked 10,000 cigarettes and my throat like it’s been shaved with a razor blade.
It’s so frustrating because all of the stuff going on is out of my control, so I can’t fix any of it, I just have to find another way round it, anyway I am gonna try to get to sleep and hopefully dream because then all things can be perfect and I can even be free.