Can’t believe I am typing that I have now past the 10,000 views. I am honestly gobsmacked that people are interested in reading my waffle and not only that following me via email or WordPress to read more waffle. Thank you very much to everyone it is truly amazing and I’m over the moon.
On the 18th April I got my MRI results and my knees are shot with arthritis which I knew anyway though she said it is very severe as it’s everywhere in the joint, the meniscus (cartilage) what is left of it is also badly torn but she felt there was no point in fixing it given the severity of my knee joint, so she has referred me to the knee specialist, who can look into replacing my knees (fingers crossed). In the time the MRI took, the pain has eased enough that I can lift my legs up again, so my physio is going to come back out and hopefully I will be able to walk again even just a few steps till they do my knees, though I think that will be at least a couple of years away, anyway am just happy there is some hope.
Well I’m feeling a lot less gutted than I did earlier. I tried to stand today for the first time in 6 months, Sadly it didn’t go very well as my knees gave way , I was expecting the pain and l knew it would be horrendous in fact I sat there balling my eyes out looking and sounding like Sly Stallone when he shouts for Adrian in Rocky, believe me it was not attractive. I literally put everything I had into it, my knees felt like they weren’t there, I know that sounds stupid and I think most of it was pressure I had put on myself and probably shock which upset me so much. It’s weird as when I tried to do this last time it seemed easier in my head for some reason, I know it was not in fact it was 50 times harder, I couldn’t even sit up or anything then but I think you forget a lot, like the sensation in your feet, it’s really painful and odd at the same time, it’s also mentally & physically draining it’s strange how you forget all this. I guess you could say I’m trying to run before I can walk so to speak, I just want to be further forward than I am and feel like I am in limbo right now which is very frustrating. However I have to keep reminding myself sometimes how far I have come and though I maybe down I am not defeated and I will try this shit again tomorrow. I did it before and I will damn well do it again!!! Positively Positive Always
Did my physio exercise’s today, completed all the usual leg lifts etc and then sitting at the edge of the bed and push up though my feet, so my feet and legs get used to taking my weight again (bless them) anyway that went well though now I am knackered and feeling like I have been kicked in but no pain no gain so they say. I really need to get on my feet again even if it’s only enough to transfer as I need to escape this room.
I have no more updates of weight loss since February but things are going great still, I have gone over my calories twice this month (April) but will not go over again till my birthday in June, When I will be having a take away and a piece of cake, hoping to get weighed again in time for my birthday. Since finding out about my knees needing replacing, I have been contemplating whether the weight loss surgery was something I should do again, based only on the quickness of the weight loss the quicker that happens the quicker the knee surgery happens and though I have appointment with the bariatric consultant next month & will listen to what he has to say, I am still not convinced that having surgery is right for me, and though I know I don’t need to prove it to anyone I wonder if part of me what’s to prove it to myself that I can actually, from start to finish complete something. I have this want to do this on my own because for the first time ever in my life, I believe in myself and I know I can.
I started a learn at home course about health and nutrition through my local college which is helping me stay positive and the more I can learn the better for me. Still got a lot of family stuff going on but things are looking better. If anyone can think of anything they would like me to do a post about please let me know anyway for now keep positive and keep fighting.