It was my 43rd birthday last week, I had a lovely day my friends came over,  I also got spoilt rotten from family & friends with cards, flowers, money and presents. My daughter also did my make up for me, Oh and my niece bought me a child’s princess tiara set, sunglasses and a princess balloon, so I did what I had to do and rocked it ha (see picture below).

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I had lots of food treats to including fish & chips which were amazing, gorgeous cake and a few sweets etc. My birthday & Christmas are the only times I have completely what I fancy and though I still calorie count it (habit), I don’t worry about it like I would’ve before and instead I just enjoyed it, Just in case you wanted to know I had 4000 calories, which is more than double what I usually have now, lovely as they were and they were ha, I went straight back to normal the next day. I do have other things I love that are within my deficit calories and I also have a takeaway once a month which takes me to my maintaining calories for that day, but I eat my other meals as normal and just have the takeaway as a replacement for my tea/dinner . It’s working for me and I don’t feel like I’m missing out as you can’t take the fun out of it completely. We still have to enjoy it.

I took loads of photographs which was something I always totally avoided in fact hated, including some updated full length ones as I had not done any since the year before, after the picture’s were taken for a few minutes I was really negative about myself, thinking things like how fat my neck look and my legs and for a brief second I thought I looked bigger, being negative was something that I used to do constantly 100s of times a day about everything. So I told myself to shut up & started focusing on the positives. Like the fact I have lost 18 stone 7lbs and it will be more as I haven’t been weighed since February and I could feel the difference with the clothes. Or like the fact I actually fit in clothes sizes that are easily available, or the fact I can get my legs so much closer together, as I had two really big lymphedemas on my inner thighs that I nick named my elephant balls, they have gone down so much that they now need renaming, or the fact I have a waist again and that my nails look so good or that my daughter did my make up and it made me feel amazing, or the fact my life is improving everyday so much so that I look back over the past 18 months and actually think Wow….Just Wow!

We all have things we want to change and things we can’t whether that is about our physical self, our behaviour or how we view things. You do have the power to change yourself in some ways but first you need to love yourself and be positive about you everyday, if you wouldn’t say it to a loved one don’t listen to it as it isn’t true, it really makes a difference when you focus on the positive, change the things you can one step at a time, accept the things you can’t, as it’s just wasted energy. Always Believe in yourself, I have done so many things I thought I couldn’t, you have the strength in you to do anything you want, so dream big and keep fighting, you got this.

The next day I looked at one of the photos (I have inserted it below) and for the first time in my life, I realised that I felt and looked beautiful, it’s the first time I’ve ever felt that way about myself or about how I looked. Which is awful really as we are all unique and beautiful, there is no one like us. So appreciate your own beauty both inside and out. Love yourself ❤

I have started an Instagram account if anyone is interested it will have more photos including the full length one and also some foods I eat etc. If anyone would like to follow me on there it’s @biggirlsreallydocry

I have loads of updates medical wise which I will do in another post shortly to catch up.

Take care and keep fighting.

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